| NaDhiRa 的个人资料.:Nadyun:.日志列表 |  工具  帮助 |
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5月31日 31/5,Thurs:~down down down~haiz..its so weird..one day u can be soo happy n da nx dae u feel lyk crap..
becoz of some1
hah..i broke down ytd..during da match against amk..2nd quarter..lookin baq, i myself cant understand y i just ~.~...during 2nd quarter, tears keep cmin out n i had no tym to wipe dem away..da GA even asked whether im ok..i juz let dem flow..at last whistle fer tym..ran to the pond dere n cried mie heart out..one by one members came n one by one dey left me alone..thank god sha asked dem to leave me alone..
i heard u n those words
i hate it when i cry n someone comforts me..it makes me feel pathetic n i'll cry harder..n also when im down,i haf a habit of not letting anyone make me feel better..i juz want to feel better by myself..
i juz wanna suffer by myself
i called her, telling all dat's happened..she said i shouldnt have kept mie feelings inside..she had noticed dat i nv told her bout wat bothers me..i always talk to her as if i hadnt any involvement in anything..i nv tell her wat i feel or how i feel..n she tries hard to noe wat im feeling n she worries bout me..hahx..she sounds lyk mie mom when she says dat..she also said dat im da worst when im feelin down or after i've cried..its like im a zombie..i haf no feelings..i dun smile i dun do anything..i juz keep quiet..one attempt at conversation n it'll fall flat..hahx..she said it's like i switch off mie feelings after use..(wat a stupid wae to phrase it,i tot in mie heart)..anw she juz told me dat if i feel lyk i nd someone to tok or juz haf nth 2 do,juz call her...she'll be on da phone as long as i want to..
yea rite lyk any1 wans to be on da fone fer hours
its funny how she always manages to work as a counselor even if it's nt office hours..she's mie own special private one..i cn tell her almost anything as she had also went thru it..she's lyk me once..a netballer,a klutz(always falling down),get average grades n haf issues..dats y i cud relate to her so much..haiz..
i even have a counselor
another thing i wonder..if someone's just suddenly keeps quiet n seems down, must she be called emo?? its lyk so frustrating..ur juz lost in ur troubles n someone keeps calling u emo in dat annoying tone..i'll get pissed off..cant some1 just be sad w.o being labeled as anything??..
emo's juz a fuckin lame wae to label some1
and if relieving evry single bit of wat pains me isnt enough, i haf a stupid ankle problem n a injury to the knee to go wif it..wth man..n i just said in mie last post dat no one shud be unhappy during hols..fancy dat happening to me..
i feel so down i feel lyk im depressed
i feel so angry..for what??at whom?? i dno..juz feel angry..
(A)she asked me wats mie problem..well the problem is me..
evry single problem i had is bout me..no one is at fault juz me..
ur always rite ain't it??
im always at fault..
im always da one getting blamed..
im always dragged in2 stuff dat doesnt interest me..
im always da one wrong..
im nv right..
im always da one who had to give in..
i hate myself
hate hate hate hate
fuck lah
so now baq to feeling lyk crap
.watever.
~end
5月28日 28/5, Monhehs..yeah i love da background too..mie sexyae yunnie!!..
anw da project meeting was cancelled..haiz..at dis rate how to finish dis damn thing sia?!?!..she's a bit scared to go to skul coz of some stupid idiots who wrote threats on her tagboard..immature guys..wan threaten use tagboard ar?? very creative ppl nowadays..or dey simply haf nth to do..sheesh..
so in the end maz came mie hse..she gave baq da cd n did her mp4..hahx itsa bit weird seeing the cover thingy on her face lyk dere's one spoltch dere..den wen she boarded da bus dn i rmbed i didnt pass her her bdae present..hahx..funny sia..
so now im so freaking hardworking writing down da meanings fer da hangul words..hahx..if onli i were dis hardworking when it cms to studies..mie results wud be better...haiz
ahhs *slap slap* no more results..its da hols!!..enjoy while i cn..but it juz doesnt seem lyk da hols..aft all da plans we made..only to be cancelled at the last min..n some stupid bastard decides to contact her all of a sudden..mentioning stupid stuffs..he tink he so big izzit?? go find someone ur own size lahs..
anw 2mr netball camp..yay..2 daes 8 to 5..yeah..lyk working rite??..anw i miss coach but i wonder wat she has in store fer us..hope it isnt too tough..
hehez..
so mie mom's bugging me to shower..hehx..im a lazy gerl..better go b4 mie dad cms home if not he'll be worse..
so
Ciao
P.S: <<saw his msn msg..>>
<<he lyk a bit sad..>>
<<seems to be hinting at sth..>>
<<dun be angry anymore ok??>>
<<its da hols..>>
<<no one shud be unhappy..>>
Peace
:p
5月26日 A Long P.Sso the ironing can wait..i missed blogging too much..just gonna type some stuffs..
bought sth fer maz..its cute..the min i saw it,i smiled..its da same thing wif maz..i wud see her n juz smile..she carries dat cheery aura wif her n i smile fer no reason..she is a great fren..some nitez we wud juz call up each other n juz chat..mostly we wud tok bout suju or dbsk n sing along to the song i played on the comp..it looks boring when u see it typed here but its really fun when it happens..
she listened when i felt insecure bout some stuffs..really listened..dat doesnt happened too often..we took turns to listen to each other n i felt really better after dat..she may be irritating at times but hey no one isnt irritating..
rite now listening to yaksok..kangmin sang it..n i really love kangin's voice..even tho it shook during some parts,its really ~wah~..all husky n low..makes me wiggly..sounds quite like yunho..maybe dats y i love him..he's so KAWAII!!! i watched the vid where teukie learned to drive n kangin was da instructor acting like da leader all dat..den teukie was so concentrated in drivin..u cn c it on his adorable face..all scruched up,eyebrows knitted..hahx..(S)minnie was cute too,popping out of da windows lyk dat..hahx..when teukie hit the pole,kangin was lyk "ahhh~~"..reaction was too cute..minnie's face when the whole thing ended n he said,"i died n im alive again.."..expression was priceless..i was a bit sad when the hosts said dat kangin was showing leadership qualities n maybe shud change wif teukie..harrumph..teukie shud nv be replaced by anyone else..onli one leader n teukie's da best person!!
watched da xman clip where hodong said saranghae to yunho..hahx..kyowo..hehex..oso a vid where dbsk went to eat ramen n joongi dropped his ice cream..n he went all "i dropped mie expensive ice crem~" in dat adorable whinny voice of his..mie dad's new pda had a japanese language thingy in it n all the basic phrases is in dere..n i played wif it..too bad no romanization..i kept teasing mie mom,"wakarimashita?wakarimasen.." hahx..she was lyk wth r u doin??...
den i went to google n searched for a similar but korean software..n dere was one!!..i downloaded it..cant wait fer it to be put inside da pda..soon i wud be a bit cleverer in hangul..heh..
hmm searching fer other things to sae..mind landed on dat person..
i never mentioned him n his importance to anyone..not even to maz or sha..the names i told dem was just meaningless crushes..its funny how i can keep him so buried within me...reason was dey dun nd to noe..dis was just one of the things da i tot dey dun haf to noe..if dey knew,everything wud change..his name was sth dat wudnt be approving to anyone..so *pats heart zips mouth* his name wud juz stay dere..
~ushinaenai kimi wo~ stills remains as mie fav phrase..
i tink it will always remain as mie fav,if not one of mie favs..
heh..suddenly i feel so _____....
hahx..tink dis is all..
i hate to leave the comp but its gonna be bedtime soon..
have to wake up at 7 2mr..
haiz..
stupid ceremony..sent the 200 to letterbox can oredi wad..
muz so formal take it for wad sia??
k lah
Ciao 26/5, Sathehex..
im baq..
i missed blogging..cant rmb y i felt dat a blog had to be such a burden..guess i wasnt thinkin rite..anw during its absence,i kept fergetting dat i had deleted it..i wud log in to msn n pressed on mie name den da pop up wud state dat mie space has to be created..den i wud go,"eh i dun have space ar??"..hahx scatterbrained me..
maz bdae is 2mr..muz wish her hapi bdae on the stroke of midnite..at first msn made plans to go out 2dae but somehow it was postponed..den aft it was postponed,sha coudlnt make it due to results..yea i feel for her..poor maz her bdae's cmin up n ppl r juz nt in the mood..but wat can we do??..
so results..this yr mie results really very lan..i noe i was really slacking more than i shud but i didnt do anything bout it..i was prepared fer mie results in some way but juz really looking at it made me realize i wasnt really prepared at all..all the tym at sentosa i was thinkin how r mie results?wud dey be gd?wat wud he sae if he saw it?..all those thinkin made me really not in the mood..the images of singapore perked me up a lil but otw baq i really felt no reason to smile..mrs thoo asked me the moment i stepped up to her,"wat happened to u???" da minute i heard dat i was lyk shit this is really it..first thing i looked at was class position..i dropped 6 places frm last year eoy..all the time mrs thoo was telling me how i had a flair fer writing,in mie mind the words oh shit oh shit kept repeating..
i tried hard not to cry coz of her..other ppl might tink i haf no reason to cry..coz at least mie parents didnt haf to be called up..but..i juz stared at mie slip fer awhile biting mie lip..den i turned baq at her..she was oredy sniffing..i was at a loss..i wanted to comfort her juz lyk she did when i cried but i cant really tink of anything to sae..so i juz sat quietly feeling just as sad as she was even tho..sry..
den she looked up..i looked at her she looked at me..we just stared at each other for while..i took in wat i saw in her eyes..n i was reminded of everything..every single test,every single paper i had done badly..da canings i had..da scoldings..every minute came rushing in2 mie brain..tears welled up n i looked away trying to blink away those tears..but dey just keep rolling down..i was searching fer mie tissue..in mie mind i was lyk, where's da tissue when u nd it??..she was lyk nah lah nah lah,handing me a tissue..i was heh..even when im sad i cud be such a dope..
jos came n was lyk wat happen??y u oso?..i had to laugh at dat..she wanted to go to the toilet..i didnt want to at first but just followed coz i want mie eyes to clear up..played wif water..heh didnt joined coz i wanted to just stand at da side n watch dem..watching the rest of jens is quite entertaining sometimes..
at home,mom n i planned to go out..i saw mie dad's motorcycle at da vd n i was tinkin shit he's at home..i silently prayed all the ay up the stairs dat he wont rmb bout mie results n wont ask me bout it..i planted a smile n went in..dey were lkin pretty serious n was alarmed fer awhile..den i acted stupid lyk i wud be in front of dem n dey bcame normal..mie dad went to shower n mie mom asked,"eh 2dae gt results baq rite?? where are dey??"..i was lyk ah later later i show u..i hurried to mie room n stayed dere..den we went out..i was waiting fer her to ask bout it again but she didnt..
i showed him 2dae..he just came baq frm cycling,all sweaty but smiling..i guess it was a great trip for him..i tidied da hse to please him..n make him happy..joke arnd..den when i cant hold baq anymore..i just sat in front of him n smiled stupidly..he was lyk u want sth izzit?? act so guai 2dae..
i told him slowly,lookin anywhere but his face:
"dad u noe rite ytd was the last dae of sch.."
he nodded,waiting fer me to go on..
"yah den we gt our..(had a hard tym saying this word)..results baq..u dun wan c izzit??"
i looked at him..
dad,"ok ok..so??how is it?? u fail ar?? huh?? huh??"
i ran to mie room yelling no i didnt fail any thing..
came baq passed it to him n he searched fer mie grades..
"c6???malay???explain.."
i explained dat da project we did wasnt rite n it pulled us down..
he gave the uggh face when he heard project which make me think he hates projects too..heh..
"hmm..u gt c mie report card anot??"
i sighed..tink it was the tenth time he mentioned his rport card..
"u gt c any Cs not?i NEVER get Cs u noe..All either As or Bs.."
watever dad..i dun really care..
den he said no hard disk fer me..
i was lyk grr..he just said he was gonna give me another 40GB hard disk b4 i said bout da results..
parents went out n came baq wif sth i'd been wanting fer a long tym..earpiece wif volume control..it wasnt like any other i had..this wan really sticks in2 ur ear n blocks out any outside sound..once u put it on even w/o music,evry sound becomes softer..wif the music u cant relly hear anything if u on it loud enough..now plugging it in2 mie comp..
k so
gonna iron mie uniform..
have to take some stupid bursary at telok ayer dere 2mr in the morn..
troublesome man..but get 200 so sacrifice a bit lah..
~SAYONARA~ |
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