| NaDhiRa 的个人资料.:Nadyun:.日志列表 |  工具  帮助 |
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10月31日 ...that feeling's back. i had hoped it will never appear again. turns out i was wrong. i landed myself in deep shit again. this time, voluntarily. oh wowie. i miss britney spears laaaaa. maybe it's because i just remembered my dad posted up vids of me on yt singing her songs when i was 7yrs old OMG, the embarrassment. oh well. gotta admit i was bold at that age XDD you won't get the any more information for the vids. even if you threatened to kill me.  anw, watched back all her MVs. gosh, my girlcrush on her was so mighty HUGE at that time. i was a fangirl back then too ya know XD soooo pretty luhs. and now she's gone out of whack. sad uh. hope she can get some sense knocked back into her. she needs it. PRETTY BADLY. DD= school was draggy today. can't tahan during amaths. just HAD to lie down for awhile. man, padma can really make an insomniac feel like sleeping  and she's soo bloody irritating. she want leave our class, just leave lahs. she says she's not threatening. then what's she doing? making threats..? >.<" she keeps assuming ALL of us doesn't need her. bloody shit. just because a handful of people don't seem to care doesn't mean all of us don't care. she's narrow minded, that woman. bleaghs.  enough complaining. i gotta get some sleep. yesterday's fatigue haven't worn off yet. how i survived today is such an amazing feat. at least to me ^^ ~Ciao 10月30日 =)hehe. email is convenient. lol anw, thanks unnie. will buzz if there's anything. just have your phone on kays. eunice was complaining. lolol. i skipped Lit today. ^^ along with Janel and Minhui. had second thoughts but when RY told me that we were gonna have to act out from the book, i dashed out straight away. nooooooooo way you're gonna hear me say lines from that bloody book. sporting aren't i..? XD menyibok, menyibok XP and they stink of cigarettes lah. i hate smokers who smoke in front of me. but i still love my brother XD okay that's random. saw eunice at hg mall. and isn't she crazyyy~ lolol arghs. i don't wanna do amaths project lahs. such a waste of TIME. at first she said that if it's done, we'll get CIP pts i don't really care for CIP pts. then this afternoon, she threatened to give zero for nxt year CA id we didn't do it. like wth la. you give project so boring can. so what if we never do. other classes got do. so should be enough for your damn whatshit exhibition. we do also halfhearted, you think it will be good enough for the exhibition meh. it's only selected pieces. so why waste our holidays..? and this is why secondary students don't consider holidays as holidays anymore. it's like teachers hate to see us enjoying ourselves. that's so whack lor. hahahaha~ and now. i feel like not doing anymore. so can we just heck care..? if only she isn't teaching trigo now, i would have planned to skip her lesson tmr. ^.^V i was dyiinngggggg today lor. lucky we went through trigo before. if not, i would be completely lost today when she taught. i was like lol-ing when padma explained for soooo long and joslynn turned to jonea, gave her the ?_? look and said, "I don't understand what the hell she's talking about." bwahahahahahahaha~ mjames just called. no meeting with her tmr. good=] ack. something's stuck in my throat right now. furball...?? lol itchyyyyyyyy~ im in love with the english version of Wrong Number. it sounds so...nice. and the lyrics fits like hell. teehee. been trying to find a download link but no luck. HERE Go Search and type "Wrong Number". Track No is 417. it's nicceeee~ ^^ i feel stupid. in a good way.  maybe it's because i got enough sleep today. lol sleep perform wonders when i get enough of 'em ^^ off to be hardworking. ~Ciao  10月29日 ..? yeap. bloody crap that he is still anti social at this point. truthfully, i thought you didn't like him. that's why i never asked all of us to go out together. there were times when he did asked whether i wanna ask all of you out. i wasnt sure whether you all would like the idea so i said no. it's my fault okay..? don't go blaming him when im the one who was to blame. im sorry if you felt neglected. if i could have gone today, i would. all that headache stuff, i lied. i didn't go because my mom asked me not to. i won't indulge into details but im sorry that i lied. it's the case of "I didn't know because you didn't tell" and vice versa here, yes..? i didn't know you were feeling neglected. yes, i felt you were irritated but i felt that if you really were pissed, you'd tell me. you weren't the type to keep mum. i guess i was a bit too disregarding yaw. i felt maz was the most pissed with me because she didn't really liked hafiz in the first place, more than the rest of you. Or so i thought. that's why i don't wanna step on her toes or something. didn't realize she thought she "wouldn't have" me anymore. ...so now i don't know anything... you didn't know what happened and you felt upset because i can't make it. im not blaming you because it was my fault for not telling you in the first place. but, maybe, you could give me a little benefit of a doubt..? i don't know about you but i believe everyone has reasons for doing certain things. not all the times i went off with him, we hang out. in fact, i rarely stayed with him for more than an hour now. so almost everyday you see me go off but in fact, after a quick meal, it's off to home. i spend as much time with him as i do with all of you. hard to believe but it's true. it feels better if i can tell you this face to face. but might as well put it here if tomorrow or the days after, we won't be talking. i didn't feel the usual closeness with all of you recently. it's my fault, i know for going off ever so often with him. but somehow, it's because i feel awkward around you. i get a feeling that you guys looked at me differently just because i have a boyfriend. i don't know whether it's just my feelings or what. but i feel this certain 'anticipation/expectation' from you that im gonna spring up and talk about him endlessly. like i was thinking about him every single minute, every single passing moment of the day. which is just plain ridiculous. sometimes, the comments you make make me feel downright bad. even if you meant it in a joking way, i get irritated. i don't know what im getting at here. but yeah, im sorry. i heard things but can't be bothered enough to be bothered. because i thought sooner or later, you will understand. maybe all of this wouldnt have started if i'd come clean sooner. im not sure if i still want to now though. i understand if you're fcked up with me. perfectly understandable. but just know i got my reasons okay? i don't wanna deal with anything else except what's in my house now. everything is on hold, everyone is on hold. i'll work on my time management meanwhile. it felt like it ended way before now. 10月28日 reader discretion advised >.<i feel crummy. take pride in that. take pride in that big swollen bruise you gave her, you good fella. now than you wanted to say sorry..? hah. a little too late, don't you think..? after you had all the fcking fun, and then you wanna say sorry..?? bullshit. it's always the same routine. you vent your fcking anger like nobody's business and then you realize the fcking mess only when you stopped. a good example, don't you think..? when you realized about that fcking mess, who do you expect to help clean it up..? Me. he's pissed with me. scolded me. why i didn't do anything. why i retreated in my fcking room when i heard all that. awful sounds. like fuck, what do you expect me to do..? run out, arms spread out to shield her..? i don't have the guts to do that okay. i don't have the fcking courage to face his wrath. you didn't hear him. it's fcking scary. i hate myself for being so fcking cowardish too okay. i don't why the fuck i act as if everything's perfectly all right. like nothing was heard, nothing was smashed, no one was hurt. i smile and laugh and joke. i resent that. i don't know how to fcking react. why..? because it's you. i don't know what the hell is your problem either. it's fine if you're unhappy or what but don't give me the fcking face when you didn't even tell me what i fcking did wrong. i ignore all that. i act as if it was all right. as if im sooooo fcking dense i can't feel a thing. i don't want to pick fights or anything. but shut up and stay away if you don't like anything about me. im sick and tired trying to find meanings behind all that faces. i just fcking feel so bitter with everything and everyone now. it's just hard alright. i already have that at home. don't give me any more attitude. i don't want a freaking present. i don't fcking care if you don't give me anything at all. i just want a happy family and happy faces around and im satisfied. way satisfied than if i get thousand presents. thanks for making me feel bad about everything. every single trivial thing. thank you, whole world. it's such a nice feeling, i wonder why i didn't feel all that lots of times before. man, i need to go to the libraries more. books are unofficial sanctuaries, comforting solitudes. freak. right now, i just wanna be lost in a world that isn't mine. Living Dead. I feel like one now =.= 
i feel like doing this too. 
stop all this nonsensical bullshit,please. i can't take anymore. 10月22日 =Dgyah! tomorrow spells D-O-O-M !!! okay everybody. better say your last words. at least for me, i will have to. nice meeting all of you. thanks for the memories. *waves goodbye* 
. . . . LOLOLOLOLOL okayyyyy~ so durrrr-rrraa--mmmaaa~ =.=" haish. tomorrow's the dreaded day. oh wheeeeee~ the feeling is there alright. the feeling of wanting to jump down from the 1327128435245327954372195436819th storey hollering, "i hate youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu whoeverrrrr creaaated subjectsssssssss~!!!!!" *splat* *funeral music comes on* *-THE END-* ahahahahahahahaha~ whyyyy am i being so sadistic today...? hmm. dno why. oh well. it was fun imagining my own death LOL whoops. gotta go now. tomorrow need wake up at 5am. pffft. my eyebags became bigger ever since i met her. must thank ms james. hahaha. nahs, kidding. anw, good luck for tomorrow=) 
~Ciao The saltwater's good for my skin. It's just the sand that makes it worse. =.=" 10月19日 sweet words=)i'll persevere, won't i? even if i fail at every subject, i'll still work hard. even if i feel my brain has worked enough and can't go on any longer, i'll just close my eyes and take a break. even if i feel that i'm a total failure, i'll force myself to think of my superb(haha) writing skills. even if i feel i'm not worthy enough, i'll just look up and stare into the photo frame my dear shar has made for me, im that worthy for her to make me one.. even if i feel i had not done my best, i'll just do better next time. even if i don't feel wanted, i'll just cuddle up with my pillows, knowing they are the only things that can't run away no matter how close you are to them. even if i feel alone, i'll just remember there might be someone or someTHING behind staring at me AND even if i feel like crying, i'll just cry it all out and be better afterwards. and NOT regret it at all. even if i feel like giving up, even if i feel i can't go on, even if i feel i'm really worn inside out, i'll just let it be. yep,just let it be. let it be until i feel i can go on. let it be until i rest enough. let it be until a bit of resolution seeps into my brain build that tiny bit bigger and bigger until i feel it is enough. Enough to continue. it's human to feel stressed. it's normal to cry when you feel down. no need to feign that you're strong just because you think you have to or you USED to be strong. just be happy when you're happy and be sad when you're sad. i like it. it's amazing to realise that i could write stuff like that. i should really try to take my own advice nia XD. =)i wanna tell u
u make me all wiggly inside
u make me feel special
when u smile at me
when u compliment me,even if its jokingly
even when u call my name lol. that little bit over there. i get amused when i read it. i typed it more than a year ago. the memories=) though my heart pained when i read certain posts. it's just very sad. and such a waste. oh well. life's full of wastes. just make sure what happens after that are treasured. ^^ haha. feeling a bit nostalgic=D ~Ciao 10月18日 ahahahahaha~ew. pimple on my butt. LOL. okay that's random. muahahahahaha~ i really really really want to get rid of my eyebags. like ARGH, i hate those bloody saggy stuff i see under my eyes. so extra lahs. and so dark some more. one would think it's there to enhance my already dark complexion. -_- haven't been online for awhile. caught up with all the kpop stuff. my, my. so many performances i missed huh. speaking of misses, i missed mubank today. no wonder i felt like i forgot sth. pfffffttttt~ OMG you have GOT to watch this!! 3 years old child sing and dance to mirotic it's so FREAKING CUTTEEEE~ this kid is Japanese and dances along to Mirotic. He rocked Yunho's and Yoochun's Chin part yaw!! and his CM scream made me ROFL!! totally rocked that part sia!! "Come on..Come on.." he even fell down one part!! too syiok in dancing uh XD LOLOLOLOLOL he's even wearing a tohoshinki top !! and his ending pose will make you go, "what the hell..???" =DD go watch!! ahahahahahahahaha~ be sure to watch all the other vids too!! this kid is GOLD man!! *goes to re-watch* okay. i think my eyes have stared at the monitor long enough. ~Ciao 10月12日 dududu...plans cancelled for the day. the whole family exhausted our energy. currently, two has knocked out. LOL yesterday was B-O-R-I-N-G guests were invited at 5pm. we came at 7+pm and not a single soul was there. so damn pissed off lah. even the people living so freaking near, just the block behind, came at 9+. lazy fat arses. pfffffffttt. oh well. hanged around at the playground near it. gossiped about a he-she =x so darn scary but he looked pretty from far. only when he speaks, it's startling. im not ashamed. im just taken aback=) i loved my eyes though. so bloody nicceee~ XD mascara and eyeliner. the keys to great eyes. haha. thick skinned aren't I..? the playground's 2-seater swing was comfortable to sit in. until my cousin didn't want to sit anymore and went off. leaving me, swinging alone with an empty seat. all those talks of " Eee, nanti aleh2 adr Fatimah Rocker dudok sebelah kau.." >.< i decided to be smart and leave that thing before something comes. *shudders* we cousins crapped like hell. hot dogs becomes you-know-what, mushrooms became the female version of you-know-what and what other crap. hehe. we were damn high lah can~ i love us<3 i wanted to go home at 10+ but noooo, we had to stay and keep our faces there just because no one else is leaving yet wth. we showed our faces first lor. and it's also not as if we are so much welcomed compared to the rest. my problem lah, i don't wanna eat. i cannot stuff anything in then still force me eat. then no need give me the fuckshit face right. kns. in the end, we went home at 1+am. wooowww. so darn early =.=" Eojjeoda eojjeoda eojjeoda~ wheeee~ im stuck on that song<3 looks like it's gonna rain soon. good lor. give me a more conducive environment to sleep in XD ohkaythen. just some random pics of DBSK. i miss them!! *^^*                             aiyeeeee  appear on more k-variety shows lehs! i miss their cracks XD ohkay. off to surf the net again. ~Ciao i hate those dreams. i don't want it to happen. Ever. 10月10日 exmas over=) stress for the exam papers are gone. stress for results are here. it's always the same cycle. what a surprise -.- Amaths was..erm..unexpected. Lit was full of crap. haha. i can expect rubbish from my report slip then. can say bye bye to the As I've been aiming for=) oh well. i'll try to remain stress-free until like an hour before results time. XD tomorrow's the dreaded BBQ. i'll just hope it'll turn out better than i expect. full weekend of raya-ing ahead! OMG. whatever i saw outside, i hope it isn't what i thought it was =S those going bbq/chalet tomorrow, have fun=) ~Ciao 10月5日 =)ahahahahahahahaha. im laughing at you. yes, you. im just amused. by all that bullshit. clearly, you don't know the whole picture and so, you don't understand. i won't even bother trying to make you understand. cause obviously, you've already been prejudiced. so why waste my time. so i'll just shut up. ^^ it's always this time of the year. selamat hari raya=) let everything end now. 10月2日 nothing.uhm. a belated Selamat Hari Raya..? haha. it's only the second day and i'm tired of it. really. there's no excitement in it anymore. receiving packets..? it just becomes a routine. though of course the forgiveness part is never a routine. smeared makeup was never a problem, unlike for some people -.-" okay. just deleted a whole bunch of nonsense. hm. tomorrow emaths + geog paper. im scared for my geog. promises to not study last minute werent kept. i suck at this, man. lucky thing i skipped school today. gave me more time to prepare. though had to go back to school for awhile. it was just for awhile. ^^ then mugged all the way till now. and sadly to say, it's not enough=( oh well. since my damn speakers have blasted yet AGAIN, i guess i can concentrate more. though i doubt so. XD after tomorrow, i still have 6 papers more to go. wowie. can't wait for next week to be over. ^^ yeaps ~Ciao i don't see any reason why you have to nose into my business when i don't nose into yours. i don't ask about your life so don't try to pry into mine. mind your own business, pls. thank you =) |
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